You

Do I don't love you, not even the slightest, do I not care for you, not even one bit
I have this feeling coming to me, I can't explain
I wait to see you, hear from you, but you never appear to me
I feel sadness & despair in my heart
It does not mean a thing, does it or it doesnt?
I know we will never have a future, not even close

Ironic

4yrs ago this is the same day that I coupled with someone.
4yrs on this could be the day I am letting go on someone.

What is with 12 oct?

distance

i can see why she thinks "thats the only reason" i want to talk to her but i dont see how she can miss out other days when pandish was made. it shatters my every single thought of her. i do not deny myself that what she said is true, but i am dissapointed that that is all she sees.

i wanted to stop talking to her because i feel that she is in that mood where she wants to focus herself studying. so i bid my leave.

well all in all.. maybe its for the better, i think it clarify alot of things, for now, for myself.

drafted on 9 Oct 2006

La

I feel like seeing her again. Don't really know if there is any chance.
Time will tell. :)

First

What is love really? It is a feeling for someone.

How do you know if you love someone? To me, I describe love as a feeling for someone; that you care about her, you want to know everything abt her & tell every single detail of your life to her, you want to protect her from being hurt, you want to give her your best you can while not being too over acting, you want to do the activities you love together, you want to do everything to make sure that shes happy, you want to be there when she is sad, depressed, needing someone, you want to see that she is enjoying your company as much as you do hers, you want to pamper her rationally, you are willing to do things u nvr want to do for yourself.

She loved me, yes. But I love her too, not as much as she does me but yes, I do believe I love her. Friends and she have been clouding my mind, Do I really love her? I do.

I can't think about love, only feel with my heart. I can sense the relationship between me n her is improving.

I am happy for her if shes happy.

So, is this a 'journey' for a new friendship? Or there is something in myself that I want it to be more than that? Even if I do, I don't think the possibility is there, anymore. I don't know. She might think because I am too used to her. I am.

I like it when she tells me things abt my blog. I am not sure why she tells me so, isit cause thats who she is? or she wants me to know something else? that she just want me to know that she still wants to know whats going on in my life?

In life, there are times when you have to pick left or right, A or B, confront or runaway, love or hate, friends or something more. I think this is the trespassing for myself. I won't want to think much about it now, because I know that my words have no value already. Best I can do either I get over her, or I can finish up my studies quickly and try to solve it out then. Who knows? Maybe someguy will come along HER way to solve it for you. :)

Hopes and Dreams, take me away,
Put me on the wishing cloud,
Where I can lie and rest,

To dare to dream of tomorrow,

Where nothing is more than likely,
Oh my dreams, make my world come alive,

Let me sleep and see myself with my wishes,
To feel the completeness of life,

For I cannot achieve in reality,
Take me away,
To the land of dreams and hopes.

draft 16 sept 2006

lsy

why r u so sad,
tears in your heart,

nvr flow thru ur eyes

why r you afraid

to open up,

to not hide behind ur fear

but dare be hurt

cause that is a beauty of living.

you dont have to love,

nor to be love,

let us know you,

the one that has been running away,

the one that has sealed her own fate

i dont know you

or what you have been through,

but to live with hatred,

i can only think of better ways

i see the world,

not dark, nor evil

but filled with places to explore,

people to meet, friends to be love

i see the beauty

in everyone, in everything

open your eyes,

and feel whats real

cause thats how we should live

yes i have been hurt

and i have hurt many too

dont let it stop you from living

dont let it break your spirit

we are all only human

and we make mistakes

i've made one too many

can't you accept it like i did?

it is certainly not my place to question you

I have no right to do that

all i want, wish, is that someday

you will see things the way i do.

-to a friend who feels the pain of the universe

Lily

Hello my Beautiful Lady,

You are the One & only,

Seeing you now will complete me,
for all the things you done for me,
I will always love you, forever.

Mother I love you,
I wish you knew,
I miss you so,

Missing you...
Your sweet smile & your curly hair,

Missing you
Your endless love & care for me,
Missing you so bad
Times we had is not enough,
Missing you, you, you
Don't want to say goodbye to you.

Now to think about it,
Your are the coolest mum in the universe

You are someting special
Like telling me about Kavana

Using Jaring & chasing Cruisers makes you so different
Yes you are way off the chart

Mother I miss your voice

Your screams and shouts,
Now it seem so quiet

I wish you are here

Wishing you...
Could see me grow
Teaching me about ways of life
And I can Learn to cook Just Like You
How I wish you are here

Your words are too far for me to reach, for now
Nothing I can trade to take you away from heaven
But I know you are walking with me
Along my steps in life without you